Love Fader.

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.

Tom: Knew what?

Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Yes... Quoted from (500) Days Of Summer between Summer and Tom, which reminds me of you, misery and love.

The 'never sure' part is kinda bumps me out of my mind.

What makes me worried, insecure and never got the feeling 'comfortably comfort' is only when i'm with you, love.

I surely knows that he might be the best for the last.

He got all the moves and he seems to be the safest and the chosen one.

BUT deep deep deep down in my unconscious mind, i was never sure of with him. In other words, he's not the one that i wanna be with for the rest of my life.

And that's when i know that love can truly fade.

... just like that.

... Three days left.

and still my heart doesn't feel like racing up and down.

The excitement didn't excite me that much.

My mind of the future is totally blurred out with thousands question mark.

I wish I'm not afraid of whatever future awaits.

I hope i could cry my worried heart out loud so i won't be this senseless and careless.

I wanna be stronger, not weaker.

Talking about stronger and weaker, it reminds me of you, love.

and how easy you fadin' away from my heart.

... in between.

There was a saying that "life after college sucks" and somehow it is true. After finished college, i thought i can figured all out and live my after-college life the way i like, but the truth always speaks different and louder than i was expected before. Family decision took the biggest part in my future life, and i got caught up between them and my own dream. somehow in the middle of their conspiracy against me, i ended up with Xiamen, China. Well, that's all i can get in order to speak my mind up to them, China is not my destination, but it'll be my stepping stone for someplace better. And i believes that God has designed the best future for me. I'll take everything they offer me as long as i still can spread my wings and learn how to fly. yep, stop talking blah, and these pictures above are... well, plastics.

... was lost without you.

... i was really lost back then, and i didn't manage to put things up together. it was like the moments of failure. but then, i was in the moment when everything seems to against me, i got all the toughness combine together with toughness. i thought i'll be damned without you, but after all, here i am. standing on my messy life, alone. i surely lost without you but still can manage live my life without you.

so yeah, independence day, me rotten on my super crazy messy room. i hate days like these. my bad moods keep come and go like every 5 second. btw, i love this flowery harem pants so friggin' much!

lace+flower=perfection.

bitchen up.

 

whatsofuckinever

and lately people around me act like an ass. i hate those people who keeps ruining my mood. why on earth do i have to care anyway? PLEASE REMIND ME AGAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE BECOME A BITCH! 

.... terrified.

Closer - Joshua Radin
So we're alone again, I wish it were over, we seem to never end
 
Only get closer to the point where I can take no more
 
The clouds in your eyes, down your face they pour
 

 Won't you be the new one, burn to shine
I take the blue ones every time
 
Walk me down your broken line
 
All you have to do is cry, yes all you have to do is cry
 

 Hush my baby now, you're talking is just noise
And won't lay me down amongst your toys
 
In a room where I can take no more
 
The clouds in your eyes, down your face they pour
  
Won't you be the new one, burn to shine
 
I take the blue ones every time
 
Walk me down your broken line
 
All you have to do is cry, yes, all you have to do is cry
 

Photographs and brightly colored paper
Are your mask you wear in this caper that is our life
 
We walk right into the strife and a tear from your eye brings me home
 

N.Y.L.A's vintage shirt. Schone's highwaist pants. Heatwave's shoes.

... the will of packing

Heyho! heyho! 

a BIG hey for those who still up in this after hour :)

a wee bit update from me, i've been collecting a -good will of packing- since morning but somehow the 'will of packing' is crawling step by step until tonight, yep, i am doing it *finally* slowly but sure. Believe me when i say "YES, WE CAN" and that we refers to me and me thousand stuff. 

while... packing, i just couldn't resist to put on some clothes (I'm a normal human being/girl, therefore i am weak of any temptation) lol

Forget Jakarta...

Forget Jakarta

Words and music by Adhitia Sofyan

 

About the song :

For all our love and hate towards the city of Jakarta.  

 I’m waiting in line to get to where you are

Hope floats up high along the way

I forget Jakarta

All the friendly faces in disguise

This time, I’m closing down this fairytale

 

And I put all my heart to get to where you are

Maybe it’s time to move away

I forget Jakarta

And all the empty promises will fall

This time, I’m gone to where this journey ends

 

But if you stay, I will stay

Even though the town’s not what it used to be

And pieces of your life you try to recognize

All went down

 

I travel the world to get to where you are

Strangers i met along the way

You forget Jakarta

Leaving all the lunacy behind

This time give me back my sanity

 

Yeah I’m still on my way to get to where you are

Try to let go the things I knew

We’ll forget Jakarta

Promise that we’ll never look behind

Tonight, we’re gone to where this journey ends

 

And all the pictures that you try to loose

Will follow you behind like ghosts do

And all the lies you try to keep

Have fall behind to catch you even more

... Adhitia Sofyan's second album still blew me away. he's like the God of indie music because he's the only indie musician who allowing his music (1st and 2nd album) to download for FREE! i super duper love him! ... and the reason why i posted his song entitled "Forget Jakarta" is because in 10 days i will leave Jakarta, for good. 

. . . I forget Jakarta

All the friendly faces in disguise

This time, I’m closing down this fairytale . . .

I've been living in Jakarta for over than 7 years. it's not easy for me to forget Jakarta. i know this city has its own flaws. Sometimes i did curse the traffic, mocked the city people over their arrogance but somehow i found out that i fell in love with Jakarta. deeply. 

... never thought that time does flies. 

i came to live here at 2002, i have lived my life ups and downs here. Friends come and go, so does love. I always thought that i'll be living here, get a decent job, a decent man and a decent future. but somehow, the future speaks different. i never thought that it would be this hard to leave this city. apparently, me loves Jakarta too much. too much that it's killing me hardly to forget Jakarta. 

... i don't want to. but i have to.

Dear you... 

Thank you for the sleepless night. Thank you for the endless crowded. Thank you for the thousand miles of walking around the malls. Thank you for the individualist life style which makes me an independent woman. Thank you for being imperfect so i would never ever forget all the memories here, thousands of it. I believes that you've changed me into a better person, better woman. 

. . . Maybe it’s time to move away

I forget Jakarta

And all the empty promises will fall

This time, I’m gone to where this journey ends . . .

 .... midnight sleepless

... years of struggling

.... endless road

... never say never.

 

... Clownish

Had a amazing circus night with my besties! we literally damaged the whole place, the harmless animal, the stomach killing clowns named Sooza and Mooza, the boneless chicks, the trapeze swinger... and the, BALLOONS! pretty.